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"Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam Hussein replied 'You can do that?'" -Jay Leno	"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida." -Jay Leno http://www.writingbee.org/help/
"A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war organization called 'Books Not Bombs.' President Bush's response: 'Why do you want to drop books on them?'" -Jay Leno	"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either." -David Letterman
"According to the Associated Press, there's a rumor that Saddam Hussein is now hiding weapons in schools. When asked why, Saddam said, Because a school is the last place President Bush will look." -Conan O'Brien	"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." -Jay Leno http://masterpapersonline.com/essay/
"I read today that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75 times by really big words." -Jay Leno	"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain." -Bill Maher, HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher
"I'm glad you all recovered from the president's press conference last night. Did you see that press conference? I don't want to say there's nothing new there, but at one point the closed captioning actually said 'blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' ...The president was so subdued and there were so many long pauses, the Washington Post suggested today that he may have been on drugs. Apparently we are seeing the side effects of a powerful codeine-based smirk inhibitor." -Bill Maher, HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher	"It was reported that two of Osama bin Laden's sons were apprehended in Afghanistan, but President Bush is not gloating, he said he knows how embarrassing it is when your kids get arrested." -Bill Maher

From: Nina Ossanna nossanna@imarx.com (3/14/03)

On a propaganda tour through the United States, President George Bush visits a school and explains his political actions. Afterwards he invites the children to ask him questions.

Little Johnny rises to speak and says: "Mr. President, I have got three questionsto ask:

1. How did you win the election although you had fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all time?"

Just in that moment, the bell for recess rings and the children run out of the classroom.

When they come back, President Bush again encourages them to ask questions. This time Little Mary rises to speak: "Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:

1. How did you win the election although you had fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all time?
4. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes early today?
5. Where is Johnny?"

From: Mary McDermut McDermuts@aol.com (3/11/03)

Vietnam II Preflight Check

 

Cabal of oldsters who won't listen to outside advice? Check.

No understanding of ethnicities of the many locals? Check.

Imposing country boundaries drawn in Europe, not by the locals? Check.

Unshakeable faith in our superior technology? Check.

France secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check.

Russia secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check.

China secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check.

Secretary of Defense pushing a conflict the JCS never wanted? Check.

Fear we'll look bad if we back down now? Check.

Corrupt Texan in the WH? Check.

Land war in Asia? Check.

Right unhappy with outcome of previous war? Check.

Enemy easily moves in/out of neighboring countries? Check.

Soldiers about to be dosed with *our own* chemicals? Check.

Friendly fire problem ignored instead of solved? Check.

Anti-Americanism up sharply in Europe? Check.

B-52 bombers? Check.

Helicopters that clog up on the local dust? Check.

In-fighting among the branches of the military? Check.

Locals that cheer us by day, hate us by night? Check.

Local experts ignored? Check.

Local politicians ignored? Check.

Locals used to conflicts lasting longer than the USA has been a country? Check.

Against advice, Prez won't raise taxes to pay for war? Check.

Blue water navy ships operating in brown water? Check.

Use of nukes hinted at if things don't go our way? Check.

Unpopular war? Check.

Vietnam II You Are Cleared To Taxi

Saddam I Am
in the style of Dr Suess 1/12/03

"Knowing President Bush does not have the attention span to read 12,000 pages,
the Iraqis also provided an executive summary written in the style of the president's
favorite author, Dr. Seuss"
from http://www.indymedia.org/front.php3?article_id=3D228288

I am Saddam.

Saddam I am.

I am the ruler of Iraq,

The country that you would attack.

 

You are Bush.

Bush you are.

The fame of you has spread afar.

 

You do not like me, Bush, I know.

You would not like me in a show.

You would not like me in the snow.

You simply wish that I would go.

 

You say I used to slaughter Kurds.

You say that I use naughty words.

You say I have an evil stash

Of weapons of destruction (mass),

Of bombs and missiles, germs and gas.

 

You say I tried to kill your Pop.

Oh, how I wish that you would stop!

I promise you I have no stash

Of weapons of destruction (mass).

 

I did not hide them in a trunk.

I did not hide them in my bunk.

I did not hide them anywhere.

In short, they simply are not there.

 

Please don't be angry, don't be sore.

We don't need to have a war.

Let's go back to the good old days

When your dad and Reagan sang my praise.

 

I was your faithful ally then.

Why can't we be friends again?

I say, let's let this whole thing drop.

(My best regards to your dear Pop.)

from: Dan Scanlan dscanlan@oro.net (2/7/03) Subject: weapons of mass deception

A reporter is asking an American official, "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" and the American replies, "We kept the receipts."